Monthly Archives: December 2012

Taking Care of Business ~ Captions Week 17

Thanks to a little help around the NFL yesterday and the Broncos taking care of their own business in grand style, at the end of the day, Denver had secured the #1 seed in the AFC and home field advantage throughout the playoffs.  They’ve come a long way since their 2-3 start.  For that matter, they’ve come a long way since March, and as much as I’d like to say I expected this, I’m not that clairvoyant, but I have enjoyed the heck out of the ride these guys have taken us on.  I’m not ready for it to end just yet, and I don’t think they are either.

"The Three Musketeers...All for one and one for all."

“The Three Musketeers…All for one and one for all.”

"You got any lotion in there? My hands are kinda dry."

“You got any lotion in there? My hands are kinda dry.”

I found Doc Brown. Now, where's Marty McFly?

I found Doc Brown. Now, where’s Marty McFly?

"You know it's hard out here for a pimp."

“You know it’s hard out here for a pimp.”

"This is my best Gabby Douglas impression."

“This is my best Gabby Douglas impression.”

"Feet don't fail me now."

“Feet don’t fail me now.”

"FORE!!"

“FORE!!”

"And now introducing the human PEZ dispenser."

“And now introducing the human PEZ dispenser.”

"Jump, jump for my loveJump, I know my heart can make you happy Jump in, you know these arms Can feel you up"

“Jump, jump for my love
Jump, I know my heart can make you happy”

"Oh you know...just another average day on the job."

“Oh you know…just another average day on the job.”

"What are you a mime in a box?"

“What are you a mime in a box?”

"We've been working on this pyramid for a while now. Don't drop me fellas."

“We’ve been working on this pyramid for a while now. Don’t drop me fellas.”

"That's my job, big guy.  I can handle it from here."

“That’s my job, big guy. I can handle it from here.”

"Oh you think that's impressive. You just wait."

“Oh you think that’s impressive. You just wait.”

"I've got moves you've never seen."

“I’ve got moves you’ve never seen.”

"Hell yeah that was a touchdown. You're a little slow on the uptake there, buddy."

“Hell yeah that was a touchdown. You’re a little slow on the uptake there, buddy.”

"I see you've been using those trapeze lessons I got you for your birthday."

“I see you’ve been using those trapeze lessons I got you for your birthday.”

"Wait a minute.  Come here.  What kind of material is that in your socks.  They look cozy."

“Wait a minute. Come here. What kind of material is that in your socks? They look cozy.”

"I got it...I got it...I got it."

“I got it…I got it…I got it.”

"Bring in da noise, bring in da funk."

“Bring in da noise, bring in da funk.”

"Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away."

“Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly away.”

"Oh come on, mom.  Just 5 more minutes.  I playing with my friends."

“Oh come on, mom. Just 5 more minutes. I’m playing with my friends.”

"I look stupid?! Dude, we're wearing the same hat, and I make this hat look good."

“I look stupid?! Dude, we’re wearing the same hat, and I make this look good.”

"Damned if mom wasn't right that my face would freeze like this."

“Damned if mom wasn’t right that my face would freeze like this.”

"Not bad for an old dude."

“Not bad for an old dude.”

"That's the last time I ask these guys to grab me a drink."

“That’s the last time I ask these guys to grab me a drink.”

"You just saved my career. I love you, man."

“You just saved my career. I love you, man.”

"Guys, let's try using a little more deodorant in the new year."

“Guys, let’s try using a little more deodorant in the new year.”

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Christmas 2012

I’ve been meaning to post this for the last several days, but kept forgetting.  In any case, better late than never.  Here’s my Christmas picture and letter for 2012.

DSC04712

Christmas 2012

Dear Family and Friends,

I know after last year you all have been counting the days until you received my next Christmas newsletter, and I completely understand why, so let’s go ahead and get the “elephant” in the room out of the way.  I ended my last letter reminding you all to tune in on January 9th to see Alabama play for its 14th football National Championship.  Little did I know we’d need to stay glued to our televisions into June.  Following the 21-0 win over LSU in the BCS National Championship game in New Orleans, LA, the Alabama women’s gymnastics team brought home a national championship in April from Duluth, GA winning back to back championships in the sport for the first time in school history.  Not to be outdone, the women’s golf team brought home their first national championship in May from Franklin, TN.  And finally, the softball team that had been knock, knock, knocking on the door of the Women’s College World Series championship for years won their first national championship in June on a rain-soaked diamond in Oklahoma City, OK.  Quite a way for our women’s teams to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Title IX. We very nearly had a fifth team championship to report, but the men’s golf team came in second to Texas in the national championship literally by one stroke on the 18th hole.  So, by the time summer rolled around, my beloved Crimson Tide had experienced one of the most successful years in college sports history, and I couldn’t have been prouder of how each of them represented our school. It was practically surreal and still is even now as the football team is preparing to take on the Irish of Notre Dame in the BCS national championship game on January 7th in Miami, FL.  I know at some point this ridiculous ride will come to an end, so I’m savoring every ounce of it while it’s spinning.

Now, let’s see what else happened this year. In March, the South Florida women’s basketball team was invited to play in the WNIT.  They played a game against James Madison University here in Virginia, so I drove out to see them.  Despite losing the game, the girls fought hard, and it was great to get to see my brother. In April, I traveled to Atlanta, GA to visit my college roommate, Stefanie and her family.  It was a nice vacation, but not nearly long enough.  We ate and shopped and watched movies and got tattoos.  Yes, you read that right.  We both wanted new tattoos, so we decided to go to the shop (Inksomnia in Alpharetta, GA. Ask for Jeff.) together during my visit.  I had promised myself I’d get an Alabama tattoo if we won our 13th national championship in 2009.  I was definitely overdue on keeping my promise, but nevertheless, I kept it.  Interestingly enough, we got our tattoos on April 13th…4/13…FOR #13.  That was completely unplanned, but in hindsight it seems like it was meant to be.  Stefanie got an equally appropriate tattoo for her that read “Flawed but Fabulous.”  In October, Stefanie and her family came up to visit her husband’s family for an all too short weekend, but we got to spend an afternoon together window shopping at the mall and talking each other’s ears off.

In July, mom and dad came for a visit over the week of July 4th, so I took some time off from work to spend with them.  I even took them to their first Washington Nationals baseball game while they were here.  In late July, my annual conference for work took me to Nashville, TN.  I had been there before, but only briefly, so this was my first time to really see the sights of Nashville like the Country Music Hall of Fame, the Ryman Auditorium, and the Grand Ole Opry.  The Ryman even had this eeriness to it like you could feel the ghosts of past performers in the building; however, the eeriest part of any tour I took was the line that was nailed to the wall in the backstage lounge of the Opry showing where the flood waters had reached in May 2010.  The building is on a hill, and that line was easily up to my waist.

In August, the NFL, as it is wont to do, began a new season, but this time, my precious Peyton Manning no longer had a horseshoe on his helmet, but rather a horse’s head.  The Colts released him in March and a week later John Elway signed him as a Denver Bronco. It has been a relief seeing him play in a way that suggests he hasn’t lost a step during his time off recovering from four neck surgeries. As hard as it has been to embrace the color orange, I have enjoyed becoming a Bronco fan this season and hopefully for many seasons to come.  Also in August, at a Bucs preseason game, mom, dad, and Andy were randomly invited at the concession stand by the Bucs Executive VP Bryan Glazer to sit in the owner’s box for the game.  They were treated like royalty with great seats, food, and gifts.  It may very well have been one of the greatest days of my father’s life. The smile on his face in the pictures is priceless. It was an incredible honor for him considering the loyalty and dedication he has given that organization.  He can still count on one hand how many home games (all preseason) he has missed in 37 seasons.  Over Thanksgiving, I got to attend the Bucs/Falcons game with them, but even though I kept my eyes peeled for Bryan Glazer to walk by, we, unfortunately, had to sit in the regular seats.  However, I did get to see former Colt Dallas Clark and former Alabama greats Julio Jones and Mark Barron play.

In September, we celebrated Lincoln’s 5th birthday, and quite slyly, mom pulled off a surprise 70th birthday celebration for dad complete with my Uncle John and Aunt Gussie, friends, Rotarians, and former colleagues attending.  It was a joy to see so many people who love my father wanting to celebrate his life so far.  He is well loved, deservedly so.  While I was home, I attended his weekly Rotary meeting with him at which he presented Andy and me with Paul Harris Fellows (named for the founder of Rotary International) to honor us for all the work we’ve done with him over the years to help the Rotarians in their community service.  It was a truly unexpected honor to receive it from my father who taught me the importance of giving back.

Other happenings this year included Andy resigning from the South Florida women’s basketball team to return to the classroom full time at Benito Middle School teaching reading.  Janet received the Teacher Incentive Fund Award in recognition of the improvement her students have made because of her teaching.  Lincoln, having missed the birthdate cut off for kindergarten by five days and his preschool having to close its doors due to funding, started the Voluntary Pre-Kindergarten program at Family of Christ Christian School. He is smart as a whip, knows his alphabet and his numbers (much to the pride of his accountant Aunt), is easy to smile and laugh, and will talk your ear off about dinosaurs (complete with scientific names and facts).  I’m not ashamed to admit the kid’s probably smarter than most of us.  Mimi and Pa continue to be very good at retirement and at being two of the best grandparents a kid could have, in my humble opinion.

I hope all of you have enjoyed 2012 in countless ways, and are looking forward to a prosperous 2013.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, 

Leann

P.S. 1/7/13: “Are you hungry or are you satisfied? Because you can’t be both.” ~ Coach Saban

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas ~ Captions Week 16

It’s a Merry Broncos Christmas, y’all. One more game left in the season with a chance to take the #1 seed in the AFC playoffs.  Who saw THAT coming?! I said earlier this week on my Facebook page that I’m a little unsure of how to react to having a good defense to go with a good offense seeing as I’ve been a Colts fan for the previous 11 seasons.  I don’t think at any point in time during those seasons, the Colts defense was ranked in the top 5, so I’m not sure if I’m supposed to celebrate or wait for the punchline.  In any case, these Broncos have made this NFL season much more fun than I expected it to be.

Merry Christmas to all my readers.  Thanks for hanging with me so far this season.

"Bringing up the rear and saving the best for last."

“Bringing up the rear and saving the best for last.”

"Oh good, they finally found someone I can outrun."

“Oh good, they finally found someone I can outrun.”

"Arrgh."

“I got your back, Fantasy Owners. Sack leader comin’ at ya.”

"Oh hey, boss.  I was just telling these fellas how things work around here."

“Oh hey, boss. I was just telling these fellas how things work around here. Peyton’s in charge, so if you have any questions just ask him.”

"Such a dilemma.  Should I tell her she has horns sticking out of her head or do you think she's aware?"

“Such a dilemma. Should I tell her she has horns sticking out of her head or do you think she’s aware?”

"Don't be making fun of my fanny pack. Remember y'all haven't opened your Christmas presents from me, yet."

“Don’t be making fun of my fanny pack. Remember y’all haven’t opened your Christmas presents from me, yet.”

"You think anyone would notice if I just picked up the ball and ran?" "Picked up the ball, no...Ran...absolutely...big guy like you would make the earth move."

“You think anyone would notice if I just picked up the ball and ran?” “Picked up the ball, no…Ran…absolutely…big guy like you would make the earth move.”

“Excuse me, but what the hell's going on out here?” ‘Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster? We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present. Is that about right? We're dealing with a lot of shit.” “Okay, well, uh... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em.”

“Excuse me, but what the hell’s going on out here?” “Well, Nuke’s scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man’s here. We need a live… is it a live rooster? We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose’s glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present. Is that about right? We’re dealing with a lot of shit.” “Okay, well, uh… candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let’s get two! Go get ’em.”

"Ok...here's the plan. You create a distraction.  Lifting up your shirt and showing your abs seems to work best. And then I'll...crap I'll tell you more later.  Peyton's coming."

“Ok…here’s the plan. You create a distraction. Lifting up your shirt and showing your abs seems to work best. And then I’ll…crap I’ll tell you more later. Peyton’s coming.”

"Hey...I don't kiss on the first date."

“Hey…I don’t kiss on the first date.”

Oh, do a little dance, make a little loveGet down tonight, get down tonight Do a little dance, make a little love Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby

Oh, do a little dance, make a little love
Get down tonight, get down tonight
Do a little dance, make a little love
Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby

"Man you were so right about this glove. It totally makes the outfit."

“Man you were so right about this glove. It totally completes the outfit.”

"Kids these days."

“Kids these days. Just wait til you’re my age and that stuff starts to catch up with you. You won’t get out of bed til Tuesday.”

"Allow me to show you the door."

“Allow me to show you the door.”

"Gotta work on my bowling skillz. If this football thing doesn't work out, I'm trying out for the PBA."

“Gotta work on my bowling skillz. If this football thing doesn’t work out, I’m trying out for the PBA and then maybe Chippendales.”

"We get to see Santa after this! We get to see Santa after this! Be cool.  Be cool."

“We get to see Santa after this! We get to see Santa after this! Be cool. Be cool.”

"I need a little more from the tenors over here."

“I need a little more from the tenors over here.”

"The song is Silent Night, Knowshon, but we don't want people WISH we'd actually be silent. Perhaps you could stay in key just a LITTLE bit more."

“The song is Silent Night, Knowshon, but we don’t want people to wish we’d actually BE silent. Perhaps you could stay on key just a LITTLE bit more.”

"Is that all you got?!"

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

"That's my friend.  Give him back."

“That’s my friend. Give him back.”

"He sees you when you're sleeping..."

“He sees you when you’re sleeping…”

"MMMM...fresh meat."

“MMMM…fresh meat.”

"White men CAN jump."

“White men CAN jump.”

"This way to the playoffs, y'all."

“This way, y’all. They’re servin’ turkey and mashed potatoes in section 105.”

"That's right. I'm so good I can throw passes behind my back, too."

“That’s right. I’m so good I can throw passes behind my back, too.”

"shh...I'm contemplating going over to the dark side."

“Shh…I’m contemplating going over to the dark side.”

Oh that explains it.  He survived four neck surgeries because he has ACTUAL fireworks that shoot out of his neck.

Oh that explains it. He survived four neck surgeries because he has ACTUAL fireworks that shoot out of his neck.

"Cel-e-brate good times. Come on."

“Cel-e-brate good times. Come on.”

"And scene!"

Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f-ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Nevermore ~ Captions Week 15

With the Ravens on the docket this week, the win streak didn’t seem to be getting any easier to keep up, but thanks to a depleted defense and a recent change in offensive coordinator, the Ravens might not have been 100% on Sunday.  Not the Broncos fault, and I was glad to see they didn’t fall into the trap of believing the Ravens weren’t a good enough team to beat them.  And now, thanks for the 49ers hanging on for a victory over the Patriots, the Broncos have a hold on the #2 seed for the playoffs, and it’s theirs to lose.  Two more games to a 1st round bye, men!

"Listen, your one job is to make sure we have the right Gatorade flavor, so why do we have fruit punch instead of lemon-lime?"

“Listen, your one job is to make sure we have the right Gatorade flavor, so explain to me why we have fruit punch instead of lemon-lime?”

"Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound."

“Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.”

"Don't tip-toe through the tulips, man! Get off my field."

“Don’t tip-toe through the tulips, man! Get off my field.”

"All I want for Christmas is my two front teef."

“All I want for Christmas is my two front teef.”

"Wait a minute, y'all.  Let's see what the little guy can do."

“Wait a minute, y’all. Let’s give the little guy some space before we pounce. Ah crap…he’s fast!”

"Hey...you mind your own business #90. We're trying to do work here."

“Hey…you mind your own business #90, and quit trying to listen in. We’re trying to do work here.”

"If you like my sprinkler, wait'll you see my shopping cart."

“If you like my sprinkler, wait’ll you see my shopping cart.”

"Run run Rudolph. Santa's got to make it to town. Santa make him hurry. Tell him he can take the freeway down. Run run Rudolph. 'Cause I'm reelin' like a merry go round"

“Run run Rudolph. Santa’s got to make it to town. Santa make him hurry. Tell him he can take the freeway down. Run run Rudolph. ‘Cause I’m reelin’ like a merry go round”

"Hey, Flacco...whadya say we buy each other some oxygen."

“Hey, Flacco…whadya say we buy each other some oxygen. Flacco? Joe?”

"So Ray Lewis is all 'sweep the leg' and I'm all 'let me show you my crane.'"

“So Ray Lewis is all ‘sweep the leg’ and I’m all ‘let me show you my crane.'”

"Merry Christmas, Peyton.  I'm your Secret Santa."

“Merry Christmas, Peyton. I’m your Secret Santa.”

"Looks like my work here is done."

“Looks like my work here is done.”

"You had enough, yet, Joey?"

“You had enough, yet, Joey?”

"Oh come on, Mr. Elway. I'm serious...I know I can handle the offense just like Peyton does."

“Oh come on, Mr. Elway. I’m serious…I know I can handle the offense just like Peyton does.”

Here’s Johnny

121208_johnny_manziel_heisman.nbcsports-grid-8x2

Dear Johnny,

Can we call you Johnny?  You’re the most important person in college football now, so we weren’t sure if we were still on a first name basis with one of the starting quarterbacks of this year’s Cotton Bowl or if we needed to show reverence by calling you Mr. Manziel.  Anyway, we just wanted to congratulate you on winning the 2012 Heisman Trophy.  It’s always a remarkable achievement, but for you to win it as a redshirt freshman is even more impressive.

It was a pleasure playing against you this season, and we hope you found us to be welcoming and accommodating during your visit to our house. Now, we don’t want to dampen your glory by bringing up paperwork, but we are looking forward to receiving your “thank you” note to add to our collection.  No rush, really.  We’re still waiting for one from Cam Newton, after all.  We hear he’s too busy counting his money from the bag man to pick up a pen.  We’re not even sure he can count that high, so it could be a while.  And you know, we even thought we might get one from Peyton Manning.  Had the frame all ready for it, but that Charles Woodson had to horn in and ruin everything.  We’re still a little bitter about that one, but we digress.

We look forward to hearing from you, and congratulations, again.

Sincerely,

The Alabama Defense

P.S. We hope you will remember our hospitality when we come visit you next year in College Station.  We know Coach Saban will.  Roll Tide!

Eight is Great ~ Captions Week 14

Eight wins in a row and only one division game left to play.  Could these guys really be getting better every step of the way?!

"Tha RAAAIDAHS!"

“Tha RAAAIDAHS!”

"Who would've thought rubber bands would be my kryptonite?!"

“Who would’ve thought rubber bands would be my kryptonite?!”

"I'm so glad we have a few extra days off after this game, so I can make those Rockette auditions."

“I’m so glad we have a few extra days off after this game, so I can make those Rockette auditions.”

"I throw, they catch, you block. It's not that hard."

“I throw, they catch, you block. It’s not that hard.”

"Hey, man, you make a better door than a window."

“Hey, man, you make a better door than a window.”

"Yes, men, it's that way to the endzone."

“Yes, men, it’s that way to the endzone.”

"Ten Lords A-Leaping..."

“Ten Lords A-Leaping…”

"Gonna get me one of those gold medals in the hurdles one day."

“Gonna get me one of those gold medals in the hurdles one day.”

"Come on baby let's do the twist"

“Come on baby let’s do the twist”

"Get outta here, Carson. I'm trying to make Unrein a household name."

“Get outta here, Carson. I’m trying to make Unrein a household name.”

"Hmm, let me see how this Tebow jump pass works."

“Hmm, let me see how this Tebow jump pass works.”

"Oh yeah...I still got it.  I may be old, but I ain't dead, yet."

“Oh yeah…I still got it. I may be old, but I ain’t dead, yet.”

"Do y'all smell that, too?"

“Do y’all smell that, too? What is that?! Is that just the Oakland Smell?”

"I promise, Occifer, I have not been drinking, but let's be honest, I could probably still beat these guys if I was."

“I promise, Occifer, I have not been drinking, but let’s be honest, I could probably still beat these guys if I was.”

"My ball.  My ball.  Don't hurt me."

“My ball. My ball. Don’t hurt me.”

"And this is the little violin playing My Heart Bleeds For You."

“And this is the little violin playing My Heart Bleeds For You.”

"Alabama fielded its first football team in 1892.  Great year."

Honorable Mention: Alabama fielded its first football team in 1892. Great year.

DIVISION CHAMPS ~ Captions Week 13

And just like that a 36 year old man with a 4-surgery reconstructed neck leads the Broncos to an AFC West Division Championship with 4 games left in the season.

And just like that a 36 year old man with a 4-surgery reconstructed neck leads the Broncos to an AFC West Division Championship with 4 games left in the season.

"Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm huntin' wabbits."

“Be vewy, vewy quiet. I’m huntin’ wabbits.”

"Ok...so where was I? Oh yeah, I ate 3 whole pumpkin pies on Thanksgiving Day. It's how I keep my girlish figure."

“Ok…so where was I? Oh yeah, I ate 3 whole pumpkin pies on Thanksgiving Day. It’s how I keep my girlish figure.”

"And this tattoo right here says 'NOT IN MY HOUSE!'"

“And this tattoo right here says ‘NOT IN MY HOUSE!'”

"Not so fast, buddy.  This ain't your hamster wheel."

“Not so fast, buddy. This ain’t your hamster wheel.”

"Yes, you may touch the helmet of greatness."

“Yes, you may touch the helmet of greatness.”

"Whatchoo talkin' bout, Willis?!"

“Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Willis?!”

"Come here, little buddy.  You're not supposed to go that way."

“Come here, little buddy. You’re not supposed to go that way.”

"Good grief, you're a big boy.  Guys...little help here."

“Good grief, you’re a big boy. Guys…little help here.”

"Put me in, coach...I'm ready to play."

“Put me in, coach…I’m ready to play.”

"Dude, do your job! Peyton told us to watch out for this Dallas guy."

“Dude, do your job! Peyton told us to watch out for this Dallas guy.”

"In an effort to maximize the benefit of Peyton's touchdown passes, Coach Fox figured out that if Peyton wants to throw them to defensive players, it might as well be Denver's defense rather than the opponent's."

“Why should Decker and Thomas have all the fun. Defensive tackles are people, too.”

"You are not maximizing Dallas's potential, man.  You have no idea how much more he is capable of.  Stop listening to your play caller and just drop back and throw it in his direction.  He'll take care of the rest."

“You are not maximizing Dallas’s potential, man. You have no idea how much more he is capable of. Stop listening to your play caller and just drop back and throw it in his direction. He’ll take care of the rest.”

"Thanks for testing my reflexes there at the end Coach.  I have 20 month old twins.  I need all the help I can get."

“Thanks for testing my reflexes there at the end Coach. I have 20 month old twins. I need all the help I can get.”