As the last few hours tick away on this Christmas 2009, I thought I’d hand out a few virtual presents. These are the people out there on my nice list who deserve a little something extra in their stocking…and would if I could I’d turn these virtual presents into the real thing.
- Coach Roy Williams: A Carolina team that understands when they listen to you and the rest of the coaching staff, things happen…good things…like winning ballgames. I give you a team that plays with a sense of urgency and desire that knows putting on that Carolina uniform is a privilege and it comes with a lot of responsibility and no guarantees. Much is expected, but just suiting up doesn’t automatically get the wins.
- Indiana Pacers: An understanding that there are 4 quarters in an NBA game and that you have to play all 4 of them including the 3rd quarter, which your team seems to have a mental block on. So I give you a stifling defense and an offense whose shots fall. Oh and I’ll throw in a bit of healthiness for the players who seem to have chronic ailments.
- Philadelphia Eagles: To the other 52 players on the team who voted Michael Vick their representative for the Ed Block Courage Award, I give you all common sense, cause right now you ain’t got the sense God gave a billy goat. Showing up for work on time for the only team that would take him, is not courage, people…it’s called responsibility and shockingly, when you’re an adult, you have those…responsibilities.
- Nick Saban: A media crew that understands asking questions like “what’s it feel like to be playing for a national championship?” is one of the stupidest questions ever imagined. And it’s not that you want them to act like the national championship isn’t a big deal, but that you want them to do a little better with constructing the questions they ask your players. Or better yet…hows about we just get rid of the media altogether. I’m certain that would make you the happiest person on the planet. I’m gonna throw in a fully customized calendar for your PDA/Cell Phone/Blackberry that buzzes you a week prior to your wedding anniversary and keeps buzzing you until you prove to it that you’ve purchased a proper gift for said occasion because Ms. Terry has put up with a lot being married to you, I’m sure. She deserves at least a little recognition on the day y’all got hitched.
- Indianapolis Colts: I’d give you a 19-0 season, but I think y’all would rather work for it than it just be handed to you. So what I’ll give you is to stop the media from asking y’all constantly if you’re going to rest until the playoffs or if you’re shooting for the perfect season. How about y’all are going to walk on the field prepared to win the game presented to you at that time…and we’ll just let the media take that and shove it down their pretty little broken record throats. I also give you health for the post season that hopefully leads to a little something shiny from Tiffany and Co. round about the first weekend of February.
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Oh where do I start. How about I give you Derrick Brooks back? I’ll also give you an ownership that cares about the franchise enough to stop playing games with it cause they think it’s fun to see what will happen if they do “X.” It’s not a SimCity computer game, Glasers! The great thing is that your true fan base still loves you and supports you. They know where the real problem lies even if the local radio broadcasters have a gag order on talking about the elephant in the room.
- Washington Redskin Fans: I give you Daniel Snyder’s head on a platter. Period.
- President Obama: A country of citizens with just a smidge more patience and understanding because Rome wasn’t built in a day and even still a lot of it is in ruins now anyway.
- Congress: Oh wait…these gifts are for the people on my nice list. My bad.
- Tavern on the Green: 100 more years in the restaurant business. I’m sad you’re closing your doors on December 31st when I never got to dine with you.
- Our Military Troops: A quick and safe return home to your loved ones and the certainty of knowing just how much the citizens of this country thank you all for your service to secure our freedom.
I think that about wraps it up (no pun intended). I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas and that Santa brought you everything you asked for. 2010 is gonna be great…just you wait and see!