Dear San Diego Chargers,
Let me get this straight. Peyton Manning has the worst game of his career with 6 interceptions and you have to count on crappy officials, bad timeout management, and a field goal kicker who can’t seem to find the inside of the uprights to save his life to still win the game? Your offense scored a total of 7 points in your 23-21 victory. I don’t count field goals to the offense. Those are special teams points. And you didn’t score one single point in the second half…turns out (thanks to the refs) you didn’t have to. Just how bad is your offense, really? I thought you had the best running back in the history of the game. This game should have been a blow out had you appropriately capitalized on the turnovers by a Peyton Manning I haven’t seen the likes of since his rookie season.
That is all. Please return to your regular steroid in take schedule…
Dear Indianapolis Colts,
Please return to Indianapolis the same way you came so that you might pass through that same supernatural anomaly you went through on your way out to California. Perhaps this way we can ensure that the pod people exit your bodies and leave you in your original state. This is especially important for Peyton Manning. I don’t know who that guy was that dressed out in his uniform. At first I thought it was Jim Sorgi, but then I saw him on the sidelines. All I know is that any other team would be calling for their QB’s head if he threw 6 INTs, and I have never been so disappointed in him in his entire career dating back to his college days. I spent most of the first half trying to figure out how the pod people had gotten to the Colts, but y’all made me realize once again that the game isn’t over until the refs take it away from you…er…I mean, til it’s over. I hope you all know that this loss is not on Adam Vinatieri’s head. Yes his kicks, if made, would have won the game, but we lost that game in the 1st quarter. I’m trying to delude myself into the idea that those 6 interceptions were passes meant for Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark who, had they played, would have caught them instead of the guys in baby blue.
Please do something because I didn’t really want to find out what it would be like after Marvin and Peyton retired until…oh I don’t know…they actually retired.
That is all…
Dear Nick Saban,
It is perfectly fine with all Alabama fans if you want to emulate a former Alabama coach. However, we would prefer you didn’t choose Mike Shula as your hero.
That is all…